What’s mega alive for me right this moment (after a day of pretty much non-stop sobbing) is what Gay Hendricks termed “upper limit problem”. Monday night I had a magical evening of sisterhood for my Women’s Intimacy Soirée. It was perfect except for it ending too soon. The women were perfect, the venue was perfect, the bonding was perfect. You get it – perfect. I always feel uplifted and joyful during and following a Soirée. The next day, I feel like I want to crawl in a hole and never come out. That’s the upper limit problem.
When you are operating at 100% and things are going ridiculously well, the evil self-saboteur enters your consciousness. She doesn’t like you feeling happy or successful ’cause that’s too scary. She’d rather you stay in your house all the time and not socialize outside of your conversations with your pets. It’s pretty vicious and it happens EVERY SINGLE TIME following a successful event, interaction, etc. She appears when I’m super happy with my partner. We’ll have a decently long streak of unfettered joy and then BAM!, I pick a fight or he says something stupid and I’m back down to the same old threshold I’ve lived with for decades.
A week ago I “injured” my back. If you count stirring some tofu, taking a breath in, and feeling something drastically wrong happen as an injury. For a week I had back spasms and difficulty transitioning from one position to another. It was also my birthday week (and my partner’s too). And Thanksgiving – my favorite holiday. Instead of dancing, running around recklessly, hiking, and having copious amounts of sex, I was going to chiropractor for the first time in my life and acupuncture. I was also real bitchy for a week straight.
Yep, I was getting too happy. Bad Sophia – must never be happy. Then the old SLBs (self-limiting beliefs) arise from the graveyard. Ones that I thought I put to rest. Nope, they come back full swing. Today: you’ll never make it as a businesswoman, look how much you made this year – pathetic, your health is atrocious, you can’t even take a walk – you’re so lazy…it’s brutal and it’s kinda’ killing me today.
I’ve been aware of upper limit problems for some time and although I have awareness, when the SLBs and Inner Critic come knocking, I don’t always have the strength to kick them the fuck out of my house. Small things help: washing dishes to 80s music on Pandora and I start to slide around my kitchen floor and dance, a sweet affirmation from a friend or my partner, doing my work and moving forward, writing this weekly newsletter to y’all, reading inspiring books (today it’s Big Magic), reminding myself that I have a lot of professional support and that success isn’t measured only in cash.
It’s measured in hugs. I get a lot of hugs and bright eyes when people are in my presence. I know I’m helping people. That keeps me going.
What are ways your inner critic tries to sabotage your happiness when you’re feeling high off life/work/relationships?
First step is identifying the upper limit problem and the behaviors associated with it. I highly recommend reading The Big Leap so you know what I’m talking about. I also recommend scheduling a free 1-1 20 minute consultation with me so I can help you with your upper limit problem (basically come to me with one burning problem that’s plaguing you, keeping you up at night in your relationships, sexuality, and intimacy) and have you leave with a powerful call to action.
I like action that’s why I always have one ready for you. Keep going friend. Keep forgiving friend. Keep elevating your threshold higher and higher until you are limitless.
with all my love and pleasure,