I’m going to be candidly honest with you about my year of intimacy, sex, and complete failures. Wanna’ ride with me?
- I started dancing salsa so I can have physical non-sexual platonic intimacy with men. And I wanted to become a world class dancer. I even bought ballroom shoes. For about 4 months I danced and began to learn crazy moves. I took classes with the same men so we sort of got to know each other. I started dating one man in the class and he was the first man I chose to be sexy with (not have sex). I really enjoyed him knowing he was not relationship material. I was honest with myself and him. I knew my boundaries and after a short stint, I let him go. Go me!
- I started a serious, unbeknownst to me, journey into deep authenticity and intimacy through weekend immersions called Solsara. I met men and shared a ton of physical intimacy as well as sexual intimacy. I met one man who I started a friendship with and we became sexy. Also, not relationship material and I was exploring being friends with someone to be sexy with without the pressure of a relationship. He was the first to bring me to orgasm after my last long term boyfriend and it brought very quickly to my attention that sharing that kind of energy with someone is sacred to me and I am very picky about who has the privilege to be inside of me and bring me to ecstasy. I let the sexual relationship go and we kept being friends. Go me!
- Other men I have met in the first half of the year were wonderful playmates who taught me about boundaries and clear NOs as well as clear YESs. I’ve had my share of “rejection” too. One man comes to mind where our energetic play was very clear to me and how I was living in old patterns. This year has been about accessing my feminine energetic core – what that energy feels like – and with this particular man, I was so in my masculine, it was ridiculous. I had a really hard time letting go and surrendering, trusting, and observing. I felt like a predator and he kept saying “no”. Every “no” was a catalyst for me to keep pushing. His rejection stung and I was so grateful. He was clearly not relationship material and I saw how easy it was to go back to old patterns.
- The feminine journey: I met my partner, the man I love so much it scares the fuck out of me. I met him telling him clearly that I wasn’t attached to any outcome, to him or anybody. I wanted to be courted, to be taken care of. I wanted a planner, a strong presence. Our attraction was very hard to ignore. I said NO to him many times because I was committed to my Self. He courted me and continues to. He has stepped up to the plate so many times already. I have never been so myself with anyone – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Yet, each day I remind myself that I am not attached to an outcome, that I will receive exactly what I ask for and it is with him, YAY, and if it is not, I’m 100% OK.
Lots of nuances in between, of course, and maybe that’ll be in my book 😉 It’s important to review your year and I’d like you to focus on
- your year of relationships,
- how you showed up intimately,
- where you failed spectacularly and what you learned,
- how you asserted your boundaries and with whom,
- how you broke patterns and with whom, and
- who you want to be as a vulnerable and intimate being in 2017.
For the sisters out there, click here to join my group now called the Intimate Sisterhood. It’s your home for all things intimate and scary. It’s super supportive and the best community to be yourself completely with other women. May the dawn of 2017 begin with courage and love for yourself. May you give to yourself finally what you have been telling others to give to themselves. I’ll be stepping up my game and I hope you will as well. Let’s inspire each other.