Free from fear of pleasure and intimacy

Bye Fear

This weekend a very special occasion is happening and it has everything to do with today’s topic of being free of FEAR.

I’m running Radical Pleasurist’s first ever weekend retreat called Women’s Intimacy Soirée Sleepover & Retreat. It’s a dream come true! It’s something I have spoken of since 2015 (probably earlier) and I let fear stop me for a long time.

Then the perfect opportunity came and saying NO was not an option. Let me take you through the process of how I came to say YES and never looked back. My YES has led to 12 women signing up (my minimum was 6). I’m feeling so grateful to these women for their courage and hunger to experience intimacy and pleasure. I have women coming from outside of Oregon to participate!

I’m offering you an opportunity to free yourself from fear today! For those who cannot be with us this weekend, you can be with me for 5 days virtually for FREE! Another HELL YES for me was creating a 5-day Challenge and it is finally here! I faced my fear of technology LOL and the million what ifs and the Challenge is live! Read about the Be Intimate & Receive Pleasure Challengebelow and sign up!
Saying YES to Intimacy & Pleasure
I’m speaking about both the retreat and challenge because the process was the same

1. First I had a deep desire to run a retreat/challenge. My desire came from a deep longing to feel connected in this world and to contribute something that would guide women toward pleasure. Pleasure is a life force that makes everything better. I mean EVERYTHING. Pleasure is the energy of life. It’s not about sex. It’s not about orgasm only (I mean who doesn’t want orgasm???). It’s about the energy that runs through your body, your mind, your thoughts. (read more below about the challenge and why I’m running it).

I see so much suffering that I know how to alleviate. I can’t sit back and watch women suffer. It’s too painful. So to alleviate my own suffering, I have to give. I have received so much knowledge, love, pleasure, and wisdom, my cup is full and that is the ONLY place from which I can give. This is what I teach women too – fill your cup first, let it overflow, then give.

When a desire is so deep that it occupies your thoughts, you must do something about it or you wither literally. That is how women live – they allow their desires to wither. What deep desires have been nagging at you lately that you MUST listen to? If you are resisting your desires, then definitely join the challenge!

2. Once you acknowledge your deep desire, ideas start to flow. Something else starts to flow like a waterfall too. FEAR. If you do not know how to work with fear or you have a fucked up relationship with fear, as most women do, it will stop your desires cold before anything has a chance to manifest/happen/be born. Fear will squash your desires quickly and you’ll rationalize it. You’ll go into practical or logical mode which destroys your feminine strengths of creativity, flow, faith, trust, and expression. Fear is a fallen warrior who is on overdrive who doesn’t know how to respect the divine feminine. That’s why women today are so damn masculine and so damn unhappy. It is the FEMININE that experiences pleasure within you and the masculine that is meant to protect that energy within you. (If you don’t know what the heck I’m talking about, you will when you join the challenge).

In this stage toward deep intimacy and pleasure, you must take leaps and be vulnerable. It’s a very delicate time. If fear doesn’t stop you here, you start to put yourself and your ideas out there for criticism. Maybe it is a creative project or maybe it is a relationship where you must open up.

In this stage, sit with the divine ideas coming to you and cherish them. Honor them. Write them down. They matter. If they are arising in your mind, they matter. What practices do you have that nurture your ideas? If you don’t have any, join the challenge and get some!

3. Be very vigilant of opportunities and “helpers” who are integral to your desires manifesting that move you closer to joy, intimacy, love, and pleasure. You’ll know who and what they are because it makes you feel ALIVE and scared shitless. Once you say YES to opportunities, you will feel a tingly mix of excitement, nervousness, fear, and hope. These are all very good signs you are moving in the right direction.

Two divine opportunities presented themselves that I didn’t have to research, analyze, ponder, etc. The FEMININE never has to think…she just knows.

The first was an email from my best friend telling me about a webinar (which I missed). The webinar page led to a course taught by a woman I do not know. As soon as I saw the course content, I knew it was a HELL YES without me knowing anything about the teacher. I signed up immediately and have been grateful and elated ever since. This was 3 months ago and what led to creating the AMAZING 5-day challenge you’ll read about below!

The second was an introduction to a man who lives in a very big house (the house where the retreat will be held). I had lunch with Bruce in his home/retreat oasis. He was on board with me holding a soirée. I had in mind my signature evening gathering for women. He had something more powerful in mind. I chose a date and he gently nudged asking if I wanted the place for an entire weekend. I felt like vomiting, I was deathly afraid of this endeavor. I said YES anyway and knew deep inside me, everything would align. There were many moments I wanted something to go wrong so I wouldn’t have to go through with it and behold, nothing did. My faith directed my actions and boldness throughout the process. Giving up was not an option. The opportunity was too blessed. No upper limit problems hit (if you don’t know what that is, girl we need to talk!) That’s how the Retreat was born.

What opportunities are coming up in your life that you are afraid to say YES to? I believe whole heartedly that this challenge is what you need to begin your journey back to yourself and back to intimacy and pleasure.
In summary, the road to freedom from fear of intimacy and pleasure:

1. I have played with, worked with, conversed with, danced with, and have put Fear in her place and it has taken very specific practices, commitment, diligence, and time to do so. (need guidance? talk to me)
2. recognition of divine messages and opportunities. Keep your senses alive. If you are disconnected from you body (this is where messages come from), you need guidance on how to reconnect. (talk to me. I reconnect women with their bodies to release trauma and fear)
3. having faith in self and universe that everything will align because it FEELS right. You have to know what RIGHT feels like to you and again, you must be connected to your body in order to know. (need to reconnect with your body so you know what feels right, talk to me)
4. taking massive action toward manifesting the desire. This takes massive courage sister and it takes practice to build up this kind of courage and to exercise it all the time. Courage and pleasure go hand in hand. Taking action requires helpers because Fear will always try to sabotage your efforts. With a teacher, guide, or helper, she will keep you on track. (if you need a guide, talk to me.)
5. repeating the process daily – listening, seeing the messages/messengers, action, focus, practice, watching the desire manifest and flourish. rinse and repeat until it is programmed into you. You must unprogram the faulty beliefs you have learned all your life. You must free yourself of trauma so you can make room for the right program that will make you run smoothly, joyfully, easefully, and pleasurably through life.
6. feeling pleasure as you go is your compass despite the massive fear (of rejection, failure, abandonment, success, all the usual suspects)

It begins with desire. Start there sister.

with pleasure and love,

p.s. the challenge is on! Starting on January 15, start your journey back to PLEASURE. You deserve it! Click on pic to sign up!

Are you having genuine friendships?

Are you having genuine friendships?

This week has been a full blown awake-fest in two dear friends reflecting to me how shitty I’ve been. Yes, I am shitty sometimes without knowing it. The miracle is that they felt safe enough to tell me about it. They loved me enough to tell me. THAT’S TRULY A MIRACLE. I haven’t always made my friends feel safe calling me out on my projections. Up until now, they were downright afraid of me and who would blame them. In the past, I would not respond with love and my friendships started to suffer. They were pleasers with me and I was definitely a pleaser by omission. I didn’t ever show who I really was.


Upper Limit Problems & SLBs

Upper Limit Problems & SLBs

What’s mega alive for me right this moment (after a day of pretty much non-stop sobbing) is what Gay Hendricks termed “upper limit problem”. Monday night I had a magical evening of sisterhood for my Women’s Intimacy Soirée. It was perfect except for it ending too soon. The women were perfect, the venue was perfect, the bonding was perfect. You get it – perfect. I always feel uplifted and joyful during and following a Soirée. The next day, I feel like I want to crawl in a hole and never come out. That’s the upper limit problem.

The Wild Woman Will Not Be Contained

The Wild Woman Will Not Be Contained

…to be ourselves causes us to be exiled by many others, and yet to comply with what others want causes us to be exiled from ourselves. – Women Who Run with the Wolves

Being out in the world, being in a new relationship, dating, or simply interacting with people brings you to a decision point every day. Will you be yourself or will you be someone else to please, accommodate, and do what you think someone wants you to do? (more…)